One of the most prominent functions for INFJs is extraverted feeling (Fe). It is one of the things among INFJs that can be easily observed by others and can be something to look out for in order to spot an INFJ. Fe is what INFJs use primarily when dealing with other people and the outside world. To sum it all up in a simple view, it can be seen as having a keen sense of the outside world which easily affects us emotionally. It helps us to understand how the people around us are feeling and also how to express how we are feeling to them. If INFJs have strong feelings or opinions about someone we often tend to express them in one way or another since this type of expression comes natural to us because of Fe. This is why INFJs can be very loving and caring with the people we like but find it hard to get along with people we don’t like. INFJs can often end up in heated debates with other people when we feel they act careless, selfish or in any other way pose a treat to our values. Similar to ENFJs, but INFJs as introverts also more often choose to avoid arguments with others. We instead internalize a lot of feelings which can end up affecting us in a negative way in the long term. Fe is a natural process for INFJs to deal with emotions and we need to express them with our Fe in order to deal and process them. This is why therapy and expression through art can be so beneficial for INFJs.
What is important to understand as INFJs is that our happiness depend not only on learning to understand why we react, think and do what we do. But also how we can predict and change our behavior accordingly to benefit us. Life can be more difficult for INFJs then many other personalities at times, and that’s why this is even more important for us. From what I have learned it is crucial for INFJs to start understanding and taking charge of how our emotions affect us. INFJs are a very feeling oriented type of personality, we are deeply emotional and most of our problems in life will relate to this heightened emotional sensitivity.
Taking control of how your Fe affects you in everyday life is a good first step to gaining more stability in your life. The steps to succeed with this is more simple then you might think and applying them in practical situations will help you gain an understanding and start changing yourself over time. This is how I would break it down in three steps:
1. You need to start noticing Fe and how your emotions fuel you in your everyday life. You need to realize how much your feelings control your well being, and how much the external control your feelings. Notice how your negative thought loops are often created from what happens out in the environment around you. How other peoples feelings somehow affect and get ahold of yours. How the external world often creates all the thoughts and feelings you experience at the moment. Practicing meditation is also a fast way of gaining this realization because when you shut out the external often, you start to realize that without it what you are left with inside is stability, calm, clarity and peace. That without all the things happening around you a lot of the negative feelings you might experience start to fade away. Use this as proof to help you understand how really extraverted your sense of feeling is. INFJs depend much on their environment for how they feel inside. Surrounding yourself with loving and caring people is crucial for your development.
2. Your second step is to start to predict your emotions. Understanding and predicting what causes you your pains starts to separate you from it. It helps you understand that even though your feelings can sometimes take ahold of you or jump out and surprise you, it is not who you are. When somebody gets you angry, it is really that external energy that affects you and how you choose to react to it determine how you will feel towards it. Your emotions are not much different then any other sense in your body like smell, taste etc. With practice you can change how it affects you.
3. The last step is to learn to let go. When you respond with anger or sadness to what somebody did to you or something that happened, what you really did in your mind before that was to create presumptions on how something should turn out. You create an ideal of how you want something to be or how somebody should act. You have to realize that trying to control what other people do or what happens in the outside world is pointless because you simply can’t. Hence chasing negative emotions that result from them is only you causing yourself more pain because you can’t control the situations. Every time it happens to you again, your mind is as surprised as the previous time and have failed to learn that grasping ideal situations really is pointless. The mind is fascinating in that way that it still thinks it can control the situation the next time and ends up letting itself down over and over. I like to picture it that it is no different then hitting your head against a brick wall, over and over.
Realize that how you react to your emotions will form the foundations for how you feel inside. Start to let go of what you cannot change and the mind will stop holding on to these negative feelings and there will be more room for what makes you happy instead. Extraverted feeling is a great ability of INFJs and can bring you much happiness in your life as long as you stop letting it control you and cause much negative emotional feedback. Start cultivating love and stability inside yourself and this will end up being what you express with your Fe to the outside world.
Here is a book I highly recommend to cultivate emotional health and stability, a great book on meditation and mindfulness:
This was very helpful, as I have a tendency to be very overdeveloped in my Fe. Also, just an FYI, there are a lot of typos on your website. It might be helpful to have someone edit it for you.
Which book is it you would recommend? I can’t see it after you mention that you would recommend it. I am really interested now though.
Sharing you gifts of eloquence and knowledge has made a difference in how i perceive myself.
Thank you so.
hi i find this is something that can really help me, i´ve had such immense probems with this and it´s great to read something that is very to the point, the actual point.
thank you for the help
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Really helpful article. ‘Start cultivating love and stability inside yourself and this will end up being what you express with your Fe to the outside world.’- this really struck a chord with me. As a 19 year old still trying to figure myself out, it’s been complicated, and i can say that pretty much all of my most turbulent, emotional times have been because of the external world, other people. Knowing more about myself makes it easier to crate more stability and balance emotionally.
Thanks for this read.
Thank you. greatly helpful. I wish i were in your part of the world to share what are the great benefits of having all these feelings and insights and the will to make a difference and harness the spirit endowed to us… when one has no choice but to do so…everything starts to serve us and i seem to be teaching myself how to make all that was scaring me into a hole to serve me back and create a world …a niche in the world that can be perfect for people like us. I mainly work with children and arts and that has saved my life.
You are a gift Alex. Thank you
dipalle
Thank you so much, you really don’t know how much you just helped people like myself out, no wonder every time I had a good time or met somebody I liked, my mind had nothing to do with it, but when I see somebody I like and my mind would create something and then I would completely shut down and not be all of myself. I’d end up getting shy or something then my feelings would get hurt because I wasn’t myself. Most of all, I learned that for people like myself, if that were to ever happen, we’d end up just escaping our feelings through watching tv, movie, or anything relaxing. But today, after reading this, what literally works for people like myself is SINGING/humming a positive chant to yourself while you’re feelings are hurt. I no longer will ever listen to music, watch tv, or anything entertaining, smoke weed, get drunk, none of that whenever I am feeling down, Thank you.
The part that you said “what literally works for people like myself is SINGING/humming a positive chant to yourself while you’re feelings are hurt.” really affected me. I’m feeling down now and I’ve been denouncing myself for being so. The prospect of singing to myself got me choked up. It never clicked that being there for yourself can be so simple.
Thanks!
Hi Alex! I am reading through your site and really enjoying all the insight on being an INFJ! I was looking for a way to contact you directly but couldn’t find one because I really wanted to chat with you about something. If possible, could you please shoot me an email so we can connect? Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you! :-) jennifer@jennifersoldner.com
Such being the case, all I’m gonna say is that you possibly has opened my eyes. A great deal of information about INFJs personalities but no any adequate advices how to deal with it. Reading about features resolve nothing, I know myself all these damn flaws.
The most fascinating line is ”Your emotions are not much different then any other sense in your body like smell, taste etc.” It might explain a lot. And… ”Start cultivating love and stability inside yourself and this will end up being what you express with your Fe to the outside world.” it is very well put. And yes, environment plays vital role in our lives, because we unconsciously introject and mimic what is going on around, again possibly owing to extraverted sense of feelings. Who knows…
In brief, thanks for informative article.
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thank you so much
Thanks for reading!
I don’t think INFJs are nearly as influenced by emotion as this says. It says most of our problems come from heightened sensitivity, but I think that’s more of a dominant feeling attribute, whether you lead with Fi or Fe. Having a thinking function directly in succession, especially if it’s well developed, will lead to an INFJ commonly taking a more logical standpoint, rather than a “this is how I feel standpoint.” Furthermore, how is extraverted feeling to work when we are taking time to ourselves as introverts do? When off in the realm of ideas and alone, the INFJ is less likely to make an emotionally influenced idea. So yes Fe comes naturally and is a useful tool in society (and also necessary to not become schizotypal), but it is retainable and not overpowering to the extent shown here.
it would depend on how one, what is the word, defines emotions. you say ´´ is less likely to make an emotionally influenced idea ´´, which makes me think you view it from a very specific perspective, like as if emotions were just reactive reactions or something, but i feel emotions can also be indicators of things going on and having a realistic element to them from which one can extract information.
i am very led by feeling, like taking everything in automatically and feeling the things, which at times can be extremely overpowering.
Hey there. Really enjoyed the 2-3 posts I’ve read today. On that note, I’d like to bring your attention to the words “then” and “than”. I noticed no less than 3 instances where you used “then”, but meant “than”.
Perhaps you don’t care, but small things like that really detract from credibility. Again, in your blog world, you likely don’t care. But in the spirit of helpful feedback, I’m offering it.
Carry on, and I’m glad I’ve stumbled upon this blog.
I think your blog is inspiring and would like to nominate you for The Versatile Blogger Award. You deserve it.
http://rachelvankoughnet.com/2015/02/v-day-versatile-blogger-award/
Thank you for sharing your words.
XO
~Rachel
Thanks a lot Rachel!