INFJ Traits: The Curse of Understanding

INFJ Traits: The Curse of Understanding openphotonet_P1040498-1280x854-300x200 INFJ & MBTI Happiness exists when you don’t know a thing. That sentence alone probably sums up what I want to talk about in this post. One of my questions has always been, is INFJs and intuitive’s more prone to depression because we understand the world and how it is connected better then other personalities? Honestly I can say that in periods of my life I’ve felt depressed about life and the world in general. It is not like others who might feel depressed because of rejection from people and feelings of loneliness.  It’s more of a feeling of being depressed because you realize what a cold and horrible place the world actually is. Part of you rejects the world because it doesn’t add up to the same ideals as you have in mind yourself. Maybe this is why INFJs feels so alienated most of the time compared to the world, we truly stand apart in or ideals and morals how the world should be and we stick to them.

I have always believed that all people start out with good intension’s, but at some point in their life the world shape them or side track them and they might end up on the wrong course. As humans we all want the same thing, we crave happiness and want to end our suffering which tend to be a major part of living. The Buddhists see life as mostly suffering and to be truly happy you have to come to terms with this. However, people get caught up in their lives and forget about what truly matters. We built up these frameworks in or societies how people should be and live their lives in order to be happy. You get an education, get a job, get a partner, get a house, get kids etc. When we have all that we are supposed to continue in the endless cycle of consumers consuming our mere existence. No wonder some people take the turn for the worst with all the pressure of what to make of your life. The question is why some people understand the underlying systems we have in our societies and why some don’t. Some form their world view from what they know around them, other questions it’s existence.

As an INFJ I always felt cursed both for better and worse when it comes to understanding the world and the people within it. In school as a kid I was very stubborn, I rejected all of the systems in place because I could see that many of them was useless and built on principles that would not help me learn anything. Of course I got into trouble because of this on many occasions, but as you know INFJs can be very persistent with what we think about things and you can’t influence us easily. We are not prone to conforming to others liking so to speak, if we don’t feel it also meets our own values.

In the social realm this became more painful the older I became since I started to realize that most people are selfish and shallow when it really counts. Many cannot see past themselves. It’s all a competition and value is not placed on the things that matters, like compassion for others. Among most life is an endless race where nobody realize that there is no finishing line. Winning won’t bring  you any closer to happiness. Of course seeing that much of how the world works early on made me unhappy as well. You see people following the same patterns knowing what their outcome will be even though you can’t help them.

What I’m trying to get at is since INFJs has such depth of empathy and understanding, we often see everything clearly when others do not. This might bring us great pain since people will hurt us without understanding it themselves. The way we see friendships and relationships other do not, people might not care about us the way we care about them. I guess when you realize this it is hard to find an angle on life that gives you a good outlook. Maybe this is simply why we are so prone to depression and sadness, we understand how life really is which is also why we understand the perfect ideal for things. We are good at connecting opposites and seeing everything that life is not might bring us much unhappiness.

On the other hand, this also gives us the talent to do many great things and to make the world a better place for  ourselves and others. We need to remember that we understand people for what they truly are. They might hurt us and others, but people are only a creation of what they know from their own lives. A tiger can’t hide it’s stripes so we can’t expect people to be what we are. What we all want in life is to feel happy, and when you approach people with the compassion knowing that all they want is basically the same as you, it is easier to remember that we all wish for the same world in the end. We just see it from different angles.


  1. shez says

    Irrespective of any English errors, I grasped the messages. Hopefully other readers did too. And well said, thank you. I think King Solomon was an INFJ – if you recall the story about the 2 women arguing over a baby….

  2. S. says

    The world is wicked and follows no commandments. That is the problem. SO called “Americans” swear on the Bible don’t believe in it. In God we trust is written on the back of the bill but everyday new dogmas are created to explain him away. A lot hypocrisy is going on in the world. That is the real problem.

  3. says

    Ok, first of all being an INFJ I have to apologize for what I am about to type, but at the same time I can’t not communicate this pet peeve I have. I am really enjoying these articles/blogs, I feel that there is a lot of relatable material for myself and for other’s in my life, however, as an English teacher, I can’t help but notice the need for editing and revising before it is “published”. Not sure I know what the reason is for this but I am offering my services of composition for free to fix the errors before people read it. Yes, one reason is because I am a perfectionist and two I know you have a lot of great points that might be misconstrued and not communicated completely for others to pick up on. Just my thoughts…its up to you if you would like the extra help.

    Thank you,

    • Azeezat says


      I think you said what you needed to say in as nice a manner as possible. I do hope the author takes you up on your offer. Occasionally it can be distracting to notice these things that could be better worded.

      Take care, and have a nice day.

    • Anna says

      Hi Amanda, I’ve noticed the same as you did and if I were Alex wouldn’t take it the wrong way. At the same time and as a non-native English speaker let me point out that instead of saying: ” its up to you if you would like the extra help.”, you should have said: “it is up to you…..or: “it’s up to you…”
      take care
      PS: thanks Alex for your wonderful articles.

  4. s says

    I used to get depressed reading comments on line under various topics or news.

    most people have no understanding or gray area in their takes. i can read written words and read the person behind it. most people can only relate to anything based on their own personal experiences. it’s useless to debate with them either because if they don’t see, they don’t. we can’t force a horse to drink water.

    now that i am older, i am more forgiving. when i was in my 20’s and 30’s i hardly gave people chances. i didn’t believe that they “would” change (for the better). Now i have a lot more hope. It’s not a hope that everyone will get better but a hope that some will get better, with the acceptance of most will remain the same.

    And no matter what you do, don’t engage in a debate with people who are not the same, mostly Sensing type, the here and now type. We’ll never see eye to eye. Engage with them in any shape or form only drive INFJs nuts.

    Like I put in a prior reply, life will get better as we INFJs get older. We will truly become wise seers, using our strong intuitive nature and understanding of all shades of grey to help others to be more rounded human beings.

    • Alex says

      That is because most people can’t imagine themselves in somebody else’s shoes. I used to not give people second chances either, but I’m better at it now. It is hard though sometimes when you can already predict that it is meaningless. Yet I find faith in knowing that the reason why some people are the way they are, is not by their own choice, it is just from unfortunate events in their lives that shaped them this way. They can never change unless somebody shows them and gives them a chance to be a better person. For me being able to offer that chance is an reward in itself.

  5. says

    Wow, this hits it on the head for me. There are days as an INFJ that I wake up and as the day goes on I think, why do I feel depressed or heavy or a sense of doom? As a counselor I tend to shy away from using the word depressed but I mean it in a sense of depressed feeling, not a chronic depression as a diagnosis for me personally. It is because of this recognition of how the world really is and a feeling of how do I fit in and can I really make a difference? I also some days just want to work from behind my computer at home and hide away. I get strange sensations of an out of body like feeling or a sense of fear I guess? Anxiety too over something looming “out there”. That’s the best way I can describe it. It’s hard to be us but at the same time maybe kinda cool. Thanks for your posts.

    • Alex says

      Thanks Kara for sharing! I noticed that as an introverted feeler I can often find sad and depressing things also equally beautiful. I guess it somehow has an appeal ant the same time, maybe hence we go through this state more often then others.

  6. Anonymous says

    I’m an INFJ and I was literally just thinking about this yesterday. I was having such a hard day full of “disappointments” from people I thought I could rely on. I was asking another INFJ if he ever wished he knew or understood less. Most of the time I’m incredibly thankful and grateful for my understanding of the world, but some days I really think ignorance would be bliss. It also bothers me that many INFJ’s become very bitter and cold as they get older. They let the world get to them and affect their beautiful, caring nature. It just feels like a waste of our talents…when there aren’t that many of us in the first place.

    • says

      I totally agree. Some days I often feel bitter about things that affects me or people I care about in a negative way, which I have no control over what so ever. Especially if it is something that someone else can prevent but choose not to. I can get very worked up concerning such people issues and it affects my mood and caring nature. I can become angry, irritated and complaining. I guess I forget that people can simply not see it as clear as I do, and I have to remember to remind myself of this instead of growing negative feelings towards people for the way they act.

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