INFJ Love Dilemmas: INFJ Relationships, Romance and Sexuality

INFJ Love Dilemmas: INFJ Relationships, Romance and Sexuality 954180ec859d6c1042cb2fad7bdae585-220x300 INFJ & MBTI Ramblings
INFJs have the ability to see both sides of people, both the good and the bad. We can often feel what other people think, know and want without really knowing how. It is a gut feeling which  stems out from our primary function introverted intuition with support from our high abilities in external feeling (Fe).

It’s not hard to see that the world around us is simply not just good or bad, black or white. Just as chinese philosophy speaks about the yin and yang, everything in the world have good sides as well as bad ones. Most of us are not completely conscious of our own dark sides, and INFJs are no exception here. Yet INFJs has the ability to see these sides in other people, see people for who they really are.  What intentions they have and way they value. People might look like class A citizens from the outside but on the inside they are still filled with dark cravings and thoughts like the rest of us.

The hard part about being an INFJ with these skills is that it makes relationships so much harder  because you always find faults in people. You often know when somebody is dishonest with you and for most other people maybe it would have just slipped by. Maybe sometimes it’s even better that way because what you don’t know can’t hurt you.

The question is do we just sign off on close relationships because we almost never feel like they meet up to our expectations? The dilemma lies in our nature as INFJs, we always treat other people with respect, even those that might not deserve it. So when a friend hurts you in some way, were most people might get angry, INFJs can feel pity because we know that on a existential level this person can’t help it because it is part of who they are. That we all have our demons and even though we are aware how they make ourselves or others suffer, it’s very difficult to change.

Unfortunately seeing these demons in other people might make INFJs feel like they are setup for some disappoint from the start, and that it is unavoidable. This is one of the issues that might contribute to INFJs wanting to isolate themselves from the world at times. When you already know what might happen, it can feel like it is just not worth the effort and especially considering how emotionally vulnerable INFJs can be.

Another point in this is that it can also make INFJs to forgiving to people that might not deserve it, just because we know they can’t help it. In todays world being to forgiving is often seen as a weakness, which is a shame vulnerable the world would sure be a better place if people where more forgiving and less spiteful. It is important that you stay aware of other peoples intentions so they don’t take advantage of you just because of this weakness. Something that can easily happen to unexperienced INFJs in their first relationships. Always remember that it is better to forgive and then choose not to spend more time with the person, then to be spiteful. Negativity only fuels room for more negativity. Just as the saying you are what you eat, you are what you think and if you fill your mind with a hateful mentality this is what you also will become. For INFJs it is vital that we are very selective and careful when picking our relationships, because they become such a big part of our world, if we make the wrong choice we will suffer the most in the end.


  1. Seraphina Thawne says

    Ah well. Apparently INFJs are supposed to be angels/unicorns/saints/tortured souls/too-good-for-this-world.
    Not this one. :)
    I don’t have a problem with forgiving too easily AT ALL; in fact, I can hold a grudge till the end of time and it’s much harder to stay in my good book than my bad one. :)
    Also yes, as Rational NT mentioned above, my ‘love’ for others is really calculated. I take a different piece from everyone, but it’s a non-zero sum again so it’s not exploitation, more like mutual benefit. I don’t see anything wrong with it. To claim you don’t want anything in return is to deny human nature/put yourself on a pedestal. That’s boring. :)

    • says

      sometimes we have to endeavor our love to a blunder as we make mistakes, we also grow and that is access that point of understanding , because if we have none then we are none. In terms i believe that we are susceptible as everyone else. everyone is not without faults.

  2. says

    Lol. This whole post is like “INFJs can do no wrong, can’t be in relationship because other person is bad.

    ENTP here. Careful darling INFJs. Your ESTP side is showinggggg.

    • Seraphina Thawne says

      I agree with you. Reading posts like this makes me feel like saying ‘meh’ and grimace. (INFJ here) I mean just because the percentage of total population SEEMS to be the smallest doesn’t mean every INFJ is a precious unicorn.

  3. lola says

    ´´ Another point in this is that it can also make INFJs to forgiving to people that might not deserve it, just because we know they can’t help it. ´´

    i noticed this about myself a while ago, which got me wondering. i think i have changed a little through extreme, which i experienced as extreme others may have not, experiences. it also showed me sides of myself that maybe the average person is not like. then figuring out how they think and react, which is part of my now process, and is weirding me out somewhat. many seem to be less attached to things, more, casual. many probably don´t even think about to forgive or not forgive. but of course it´s better for our health as infj´s when we can find answers.

    • Rational NT says

      There is research that shows INFJs are actually covert narcissists. Their love for other people is calculated and they always ask something (e.g. Affection, admiration, etc.) from others in return. In other words, they are not truly altruistic or selfless as they try to make you believe they are. They can’t help with that it’s a “mental illness”, not really a personality type.

      • lola says

        it is not calculated at all, there isn´t an interest in being in companionships with people if there isn´t a natural connection.

        and it is not asking for something in return. needing feedback is not automatically the same as asking for something in return.

        your response sounds more narcissistic, than what i have read here.

      • Seraphina Thawne says

        ‘Mental illness’ is taking it too far, though I wholeheartedly agree with you on the not-so-altruistic part.

      • EdgeKing55 says

        I have to agree with the covert narcissists comment. I’ve dated two INFJs and they were both covert narcs. I have never been so emotionally abused in my life.

        I’ve spoken to dozens of other people who have dated INFJs since and its the same story every. single. time. The problem is INFJs can not see how abusive they are to others around them.

        I think it takes A LOT of self work before any INFJ can function in a healthy relationship.

    • Yasssss says

      Since the MBTI test shows the percentage of how much you are of that type, I think no one is fully ESFP or something like that. Since everyone has a different personality and perspective of things, Rational NT for example, claims that all INFJs as a whole have mental illnesses. As an INFJ, I find that very funny XD

Leave a Reply to Your number one fan Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *