When it comes to dating it seems like my interest follows a pattern. I’m not often interested in people that are similar to myself. It seems like I’m draw to opposites of myself, people that complete me in a way. The bad thing is that often these relationships don’t tend to work out in the end since in some situations you end up being on different planets so to speak. It might be difficult to get along since your opinions about things are so different. Still, interestingly enough I am drawn to extroverted people even though dating testsonline tells me that my perfect match would be an INFP.
Why does this happen?
I think it is the minds way of wanting to complement itself and in many ways it is quite a nice experience. Extroverts bring introverts out of our heads and you don’t have to take the lead in conversations, something we might struggle with naturally. As INFJs we are also expressive and interested in people, so we are often mistaken for extroverts. However as a match I think extroverts can also be though to be in a relationship with if you don’t get enough space and alone time.
Often people search in others the thing they are missing in themselves. Which is why people can be attracted to the complete opposite. We all know the cliché of the blonde good-looking nice girl who is attracted to the mean bad-boy type of a guy. It’s natures way of completing itself, the hunter gatherer sense that’s adapting to the environment to survive. We cannot only be hunters or only gatherers among mates, in order to survive.
In my past relationships people who needed to be taken care of or struggled in life tended to be attracted to me especially. I think it is because of the INFJ way, we are natural counselors and mentors who genuinely care about other people. We are good at helping people get ahead in life and people trust us and our judgments. Maybe it is also because we INFJ often struggle as well at times in our lives.
Overall I’m interested in original or unusual people, people that have a passion for something or a goal they want in life and are prepared to work for it. I feel most of the world are shallow and often the ‘good ones’ so to speak, are the odd types and people that had to work for something in their lives to get where they are. I guess it all has to do with how we value ourselves as INFJs and generally I find it hard to connect to sensing type personalities. To me they seem like being from a different planet when it comes to values, morals and actions.
Personally I think ENxx types can be good in relationships with INFJs. You complement each other and are also able to connect on the same abstract level in discussions and interests. Other introverted personalities, INxx can of course be good as well and from some I heard it can be close to magical. However, I think it is important to make sure that both your introverted natures don’t hold you back in each of your own social lives and in doing stuff out in the real world. As two introverts it’s easy to feel that having each other is enough and you don’t need other people, and then you end up isolating yourselves from the world.
Dating can be a tough thing for the INFJ type since we can have a hard time with strangers and getting out of our shell. Personally I’ve tried all my life to get comfortable in these situations and places like pubs, bars and clubs but without much luck. We are not very adapted to this type of environment and I tend to be better off at home parties or dinners when it comes to meeting new people. Hitting on the other sex is something I’ve never really done with the point of only showing interest either. Usually flirting comes natural to me in a discussing and never had to make a big effort with it or to plan it ahead. Still, picking up people in bars and clubs have never been my thing and I always want to get to know people more before I feel comfortable.
To finish all of this off, I would like to recommend a website. Online dating is something that can be a good thing to try for introverted types and I would recommend you this one if you are interested:
The good thing about okcupid is that you get to answer questions and it maps your personality. This information the website then use to match you to other people with similar values and interests. Some people also take the MBTI tests on the website so you can find people with certain personalities as well.