INFJs have the ability to see both sides of people, both the good and the bad. We can often feel what other people think, know and want without really knowing how. It is a gut feeling which stems out from our primary function introverted intuition with support from our high abilities in external feeling (Fe).
It’s not hard to see that the world around us is simply not just good or bad, black or white. Just as chinese philosophy speaks about the yin and yang, everything in the world have good sides as well as bad ones. Most of us are not completely conscious of our own dark sides, and INFJs are no exception here. Yet INFJs has the ability to see these sides in other people, see people for who they really are. What intentions they have and way they value. People might look like class A citizens from the outside but on the inside they are still filled with dark cravings and thoughts like the rest of us.
The hard part about being an INFJ with these skills is that it makes relationships so much harder because you always find faults in people. You often know when somebody is dishonest with you and for most other people maybe it would have just slipped by. Maybe sometimes it’s even better that way because what you don’t know can’t hurt you.
The question is do we just sign off on close relationships because we almost never feel like they meet up to our expectations? The dilemma lies in our nature as INFJs, we always treat other people with respect, even those that might not deserve it. So when a friend hurts you in some way, were most people might get angry, INFJs can feel pity because we know that on a existential level this person can’t help it because it is part of who they are. That we all have our demons and even though we are aware how they make ourselves or others suffer, it’s very difficult to change.
Unfortunately seeing these demons in other people might make INFJs feel like they are setup for some disappoint from the start, and that it is unavoidable. This is one of the issues that might contribute to INFJs wanting to isolate themselves from the world at times. When you already know what might happen, it can feel like it is just not worth the effort and especially considering how emotionally vulnerable INFJs can be.
Another point in this is that it can also make INFJs to forgiving to people that might not deserve it, just because we know they can’t help it. In todays world being to forgiving is often seen as a weakness, which is a shame vulnerable the world would sure be a better place if people where more forgiving and less spiteful. It is important that you stay aware of other peoples intentions so they don’t take advantage of you just because of this weakness. Something that can easily happen to unexperienced INFJs in their first relationships. Always remember that it is better to forgive and then choose not to spend more time with the person, then to be spiteful. Negativity only fuels room for more negativity. Just as the saying you are what you eat, you are what you think and if you fill your mind with a hateful mentality this is what you also will become. For INFJs it is vital that we are very selective and careful when picking our relationships, because they become such a big part of our world, if we make the wrong choice we will suffer the most in the end.