INFJ Sexuality and Relationships

INFJ Sexuality and Relationships LL0000A180-300x168 INFJ & MBTI I’ve written before about how emotionally demanding relationships can be for INFJs and I though I’ll touch on it again in this post. This past week has been quite rough on me and some of my close relationships, so this is all very fresh in my mind right now. Today was one of those days where I once again felt like I just hit a brick wall running, in my expectations on others and my never ending struggle to keep relationships which are healthy for me. I guess it all boils down to the classic case of we INFJs longing to be able to relate to someone and be accepted for who we are. We pick our relationships carefully and when they let us down it hurts us more then most people. Because that act proves our ideal about this person to be false, and it was that ideal that made us invest our time and emotions in these people to begin with. Not only do the person let us down but we also let ourselves down in believing that it would be any different. As we INFJs all know we tend to praise our ideals highly so this can be a real punch to our belief in our own abilities.

As with everything when it comes to INFJs, when it rains it really pours. This whole week set me up in a negative emotional spiral where I ended up internalizing everything to the brink of feeling physically ill. I’ve been there so many times before but still I never realize it in the moment. Afterwards when I finally gain some footing and perspective I can look at it with fresh eyes and feel stupid. Stupid that I let these things get to me on such a deep level. Hell maybe I am bipolar, maybe being INFJ equals bipolar to some degree, or bipolar equals INFJ who knows. Before considering writing this, being the INFJ that I am, I of course googled and read everything there is on bipolar and MBTI. Ironic enough being bipolar is more common among INFx’s, and so is depression. No wonder my friend letting me down spun me completely out of proportions and I ended up feeling that I’m either way of the chart with my expectations on relationships or I will be alone for the rest of my life. These are the times I completely despise being an INFJ, dragging myself down an bottomless pit, being my own worst enemy. Caught in the thought loops in my mind endlessly contemplating that when life doesn’t work out, it must either be something wrong with the world or something seriously wrong with myself. With the latter often winning the battle.

 

I can’t seem to get a grip on these things in the moment, when emotions are running high. At some point I always swing back into reality and see it for what it really is. I know I have unrealistic expectations on people sometimes  because I expect them to think like me. What I forget is that I’m an INFJ, and most of the world are not. They do not think like me or see what I do. Even though the world would probably be better off if it did. Thanks for reading, end of rant… :)

 

Comments

    • Allison says

      This was wonderful to read. So me. I am grateful to know I am not alone. On that note, I have read that us INFJs are bad people to cross and it is definitely true of me that I put up with a lot, but once I hit my limit, watch out. I blow up and then walk away and don’t give the other person another chance to hurt me again. I have only walked away from about four people in my life, and I am happily married, largely due to the fact that I hold my husband in such high esteem in the sense that I admire his kindness and good heart to the point that they trump any difficulties we may have in the marriage. In other words, I over look a lot of jerky stuff he does because I think he is one of the best humans I have met. (In other words, as you said, I idolize him.) For that matter, he does the same for me, because I can be a real handful when I’m pissed. Does anyone have any insight as to why a peace loving, problem resolving INFJ would also be one of the worst people to cross? Because I am and I am not proud of the fact.

  1. The ENTP says

    The thought I keep coming back to when reading this, albeit a bit crude, is; stop trying to control what it is that you have no control over. “It” being the world and everything else in it.

    When wondering if something is seriously wrong with you or with this world, I think the answer is both.

    You are a product of this world, and seeing as the world is imperfect, so are you. The same goes for everybody and everything else, that is a product of this world.

    I find solace in accepting this fact. It takes a load off.

    Thank you for your ramblings, they are ever so interesting!

  2. Sarah says

    Wow, this is so me. I thought I was psycho for feeling so horribly depressed about friendship issues and fallouts, constantly feeling like an emotional fireball, but it’s my wiring, and I am not alone in this struggle. And there ARE ways to help get a grip and help control it, thank the heavens!!

  3. Gigi says

    ……it’s quite interesting reading your “own” thoughts written by someone else…thank you so much for writing this….

  4. Courtney says

    Unfortunately, I have to agree. I am an INFx and I am bi-polar and have issues with depression. It’s sad, but when I read this, it made me feel like I wasn’t so alone with the whole bi-polar and depression thing being an INFx.

  5. Pamela says

    Alex,
    Most definitely on the INFJ money. Your blogs absolutely resonate with me and my lifelong INFJ-just-being-me struggle. I actually border the INFJ/INFP. 50/50 PJ if you had read my test earlier in my life and with age, now 44, most days INFJ. I’m pretty sure family of origin, my environment, my career and good ole Babylon (world) shape me. I’ve learned to walk with Jesus, listen closely to my intuition and throw expectations of others out the window. Am I good at all three of those?…no way, takes time and practice. I have possibly seen all the disadvantages of being and INFJ but am now seeing the advantages. Yes, I too feel alone some days and I’m married for 23 years and am surrounded by others that I call friend and whom love me as is, and I keep them close because I know they really do. Biggest and best difference in my life is Jesus. He is always a constant and He has been vital to this INFJ. Alex….you’re not alone and you are very loved. Did I mention we are understanders of empathy and been there, done that, have the T-shirt. ;)

    • Alex says

      Hi Pamela,
      Thanks for reading and really appreciate you sharing. I’m borderline on the P/J also, but low introverted feeling so definitely not an INFP. I would not say I’m a christian but I do believe in Jesus and he is a great source of inspiration to me. Jesus was an INFJ for sure ;)

  6. Roger says

    Alex

    I love how you write and express yourself, It’s like I am hearing myself speak. I never found out till yesterday who I am. I am 48, and I have had a lot of traits, but till about 6 years ago doors just opened up. More so now, my brain won’t stop. Went it’s full somehow it compresses so more goes in. I have a draw for everything, and a million more with thoughts I keep in case. I have started to master retrieving them as everything is a puzzle sometimes I can get them all to work and see a picture.
    The problem is since six years ago I don’t seem to dream much. I might have a scatted thought of parts but I don’t think I reach Rem anymore. I kind of think sometimes I never reach it cause my brain won’t stop.
    Also how would I know if I met another INFJ? I can’t honestly describe myself, See I think my gift was writing or poetry.
    Thank You.

    • Alex says

      Hi Roger,
      Thanks for your reply and sorry for the delay in getting back to you. The body’s ability to produce serotonin at sleep usually decline with age. Serotonin has a big impact on dreams and how much you dream. I might want to look into trying a natural supplement called 5-HTP at bedtime, this will probably help you get better sleep and also dream more. Personally I think dreaming is very important in order to stay emotionally healthy.

      Usually it can be hard to pinpoint INFJs in real life since they have complex personalities. Chance is though that if you feel like you connect to someone you met on a deeper level, it is likely that this person is an NF personality.

      Thanks for reading!

  7. says

    Hi Alex: I am a fellow INFJ and a lot of what you say on your blog is spot on. I have over the course of my life thought I was a wrecking ball of emotions. I have gotten better at regulating them as I am close to 40 now, versus when I was in my 20’s. It is hard to be us. I look forward to reading more of your blogs!

    • says

      Thanks Kara, I appreciate the feedback! Nice to hear that it gets easier with the years, I still have a bit to go to get there but making good progress :)

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