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If you’re an INFJ, HSP, empath or intuitive personality, it is safe to say we all share the challenge of staying balanced emotionally in life. But it has to do with a lot more then just emotions. Our bodies and mind are way more interconnected then we want to believe they are, and when you are facing emotional distress in life it can often come in a physical form, like burnout or depression. Western healthcare have always approach health in a very non holistic way. That mental and physical health are separate issues and have often only put emphasis on treating symptoms then actually solving health problems or preventing them. Health should be approached as a whole process since everything in our body is part of an whole, your brain controls your entire body and your brain is the outlet of your conscious self. Chronic illness can stem from longterm emotional distress, just as mental illness can grow from always being sick in your body.

Being an intuitive, empath or HSP type of personality makes you even more vulnerable to these kinds of health issues. You are easier pressured and stress is felt on a higher level then other people do. Emotional distress from things that happen in your life takes a greater toll on you and demands from family, friends and work can easily leave you feeling burned out and unable to handle, or even face the situations. Most of us learn all of this the hard way and statistics show that all of us will be depressed and reach some form of adrenal burnout during our lifetimes, some more times then others. If you are more susceptible to these things then you are also in more danger of suffering major depressions, mental illnesses, eating disorders, drug use and health issues like for example hypertension and cardiovascular disease.

Because of this we owe it to ourselves and others to develop good coping mechanisms in life to help us overcome these problems and also show others how they can. If you look around yourself in life among your friends and family, you can easily see that we all have some kind of crutch in life, something we can depend on for safety and comfort when life becomes painful. It might be as common as comfort food, using television as an escape or abuse of alcohol, drugs, sex and pornography. Or if you remember those kids back in school that used to pick on everybody, that was their way of coping with their own issues at home, like and escape so they would not be the ones feeling the worst all the time. Needless to say we all have these habits as a way of self defense from our own pains. The problem is these habits can grow out of control and cause further issues in our lives. When you never learn to correctly face your own emotions and problems you will eventually grow unable to handle them at all, this is where depression, panic attacks, chronic fatigue syndrome and the like kicks in. It is at this point where you realize your crutches doesn’t hold up anymore and you feel overwhelmed and hopeless, unable to rid yourself of your own pain. In almost all type of depression and stress disorders, particularly feelings of overwhelm and hopelessness is the primary culprits.

The way we need to change here is in the way we view the world. Because the world is not responsible for our own emotions, we are. What we need to understand is that peace and happiness is not something we will every find out there in the external world, it is something that we can only find within ourselves. To quote the Buddha, the mind if the forerunner of all things. Just as you are what you eat, you also are what you think. If you keep grasping and holding on to pain, longings and demands you put on people and life, you will never be able to get away from those negative thoughts. Only when you understand that the world and our minds are ever changing, that every negative emotion and thought will pass just as the one before it. That you as a person is not made up by your thoughts, they are just as clouds floating by on a blue sky. What you need to learn is to see them for what they really are and let them pass by.

What I’m talking about here is very much the practice of mindfulness and meditation, two healthy ways of learning to understand your mind and emotions. They offer ways of overcoming the pain of life and also how to reach a state of happiness not related to anything in our external world. The best thing about mediation is that when you finally understand that peace is something you already have within yourself, issues that arise in your life won’t matter that much anymore and you can approach these in a healthier way without relying on false crutches that offer nothing more then temporary relief.

The reason why I haven’t been posting that often here is because of this subject I’ve been talking about in this post. I’m actually working on an ebook about how important our mind and body connection really is and how to take care of it. The book is laid out to offer practical solutions and skills you can learn and apply in your own lives to easier overcome emotional pain, depression, illnesses and also to focus yourself and reach your goals in life. Even though the book will be made for HSPs, empaths and intuitives the skills can be applied by anyone. Of course everybody on the mail list for this blog will receive a free copy as soon as I’m done with it, which should be sometime this winter. The book will touch a range of subjects from meditation, mindfulness, yoga, achieving happiness and emotional freedom, herbal medicine, supplements, exercise, acupuncture, floating and more. Basically many techniques and habits you can apply to your life to live happier and healthier, all through a HSP, empath and intuitive perspective.

I’ll keep updating this blog with small bits and pieces from chapters that will be coming in the ebook. Meanwhile I want you guys to comment or email me if there is anything particular you want me to research and include in the book. You can comment at the end of this post or email me at alex@infjramblings.com

Until next post, take care!

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It can also give you a deeper understanding about the things you do yourself. HSPs are often feeler type personalities which is why EI (emotional intelligence) tends to be highly developed  among us. As a feeler you are more sensitive emotionally then others and even thought you have a heightened EI understanding, you can easily have bouts where you might experience an difficulty controlling your feelings and maybe even act highly irrational at times. Extroverted feeling personalities in MBTI (INFJ/ENFJ primarily) often run into problems here since they are highly emotional but also extrovert their feelings and judgments. This combination can result in heated situations where you act according to feelings and when the situation has passed you might feel you overreacted or acted unreasonable. Fortunately these type of personalities are also concerned about the well-being of others and often seek out to correct any wrongdoings they might have done others. This is important since they value their morals and doing others wrong will in turn cause themselves great emotional pain.

Statistics tell us that most highly intelligent individuals are also HSPs. We are talking about the population here which is considered the top 2%. It seems to be a common tread that an increased sensitivity to stimuli equals greater understanding of concepts, theories and the outside world. It is said that around 15% of the population is highly sensitive to some degree. About 35-50% of the population is introverts. Introverts belongs to the majority among the gifted population, and the top 2% contains almost exclusive introverted, intuitive HSPs.

What people outside these minorities fail to grasp is that being an HSP and especially an gifted HSP also comes with a hefty price. Belonging to a minority often isolates you from the rest. Most humans find security in what is familiar and reject what is not, same functioning as many other animals on this planet. In other words being different can push you away from the norm and make relationships that much harder.

Heightened sensitivity to stimuli is a neurological trait which you are born with and not something that can be changed. Unfortunately for HSPs even thought our brains work differently the world around us still works as suitable for non HSPs. We are expected to think, act, feel and produce results just like other people even though we are not. A heightened sensitivity is not because our sensing organs like eyes, ears or nose are more developed then other people. The sensitivity comes from a lower threshold for stimuli. In other words we need less of everything when other people need more to reach the same level of excitement, feelings or understanding. HSPs don’t need many cups of coffee to get them focused. Watching TV doesn’t make us tired. High pressure and pace doesn’t make us more motivated to work etc. Just a few examples but generally you could say that in a way  it is the complete opposite of ADHD.

The downside of being an HSP is being unable to shut it off. There is no off switch and this is where the problem comes in. With a lower tolerance for stimuli we overload quicker because our capacity is still the same as other people. HSPs are not superhuman even thought we might have exceptional talents because of our sensitivity. We are simply born with a openness to new experiences that others don’t have, a lack of filtering. It is this openness that is a common trait among gifted people. As an HSP and intuitive you can perceive the world in a clearer way then non HSPs who’s world view is primarily based on their previous judgements and experiences. People tend to form who they are and their image of the world through the judgements of their ego. You like this but are afraid of that etc. They react to new experiences based on previous ones and therefor never consider things for what they really are, only for what their ego tells them they think of it. That is an lack of intuition and perceptiveness.

As we all know there are many problems in the world and the majority humans cause themselves. We have a tendency to destroy the environment we live in, scavage our planet until there is nothing left, we are reckless against ourselves and others, wage war against each other over pieces of land, the list is long. What is certain is that the human condition is something entirely different from the rest of the creatures on our planet. An organism that is at war with itself is doomed from the start, and this is what most people fail to realize. There is a widespread close-mindedness in today’s societies and most can’t really perceive what is really happening in the world aside from what their ego tells them. As HSPs and intuitive’s it is important to not judge ourselves like others might do. To not see our unique traits as something to try to change or get rid of because there is nothing wrong with them. Thinking that being like everyone else would make you happier is simply grasping, and grasping won’t give anyone happiness because the grasping never stops.

I think most people would agree that having a higher perceptiveness and caring for the people, animals and environment around you would be a good thing. The planet could sure benefit from having more people with these unique traits and who’s to say that this is not the next step in human evolution? We started as primitive ape like creatures and our minds have evolved considerably since that. The next logical step would indeed be to expand our mind to comprehend the world around us more, now when we have developed the ability to perceive ourselves. That is for sure some great food for thought.

Until next time, thanks for reading!

Alex

PS: Here is some recommended reading on Emotional Intelligence and how it can matter more then IQ:

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I want to talk a bit about INFJs and mental health, something that seem to be a quite popular and reacquiring subject out there. Unfortunately mental health is somewhat a struggle for many INFJs and there are many misconceptions concerning it. Misconceptions in the regard that INFJs would in some way be weaker on a mentally and emotionally level and that would be why many struggle with anxiety and depression. It is true that we are more sensitive then other personalities but that doesn’t necessary equal anything along the lines of weakness. It has been shown that INxx types in general are the ones that often struggle with emotional sensitivity. I would say that a heightened emotional sensitivity is as much a strength as it can make life harder at times. You are merely playing on a completely different playing field then less emotionally evolved people. Being more sensitive to emotions equals a greater understanding and perception of them. It is easy for other people to call you unstable or emotional when they themselves cannot perceive the situation at hand. We all view life through different lenses, but INFJs can often view life throughout multiple lenses, free from conditioning or influence. Being this type of empathic people with often divided personalities is what makes it hard in comparison with others. Yet there is nothing wrong with us or our mental health, simply the fault lies in the rest of the worlds comparison of us with themselves.

The nature of intuition is in not trusting how things appear even thought answers may be laid out in front of you. Always searching for alternative possibilities, clues or hints of the true nature of things. It is no wonder why INFJs can easily feel that they are losing their grip when as an introverted intuitive dominant, your are always changing and  endlessly searching for meaning within yourself and the rest of the world. This is what intuition is meant to do, and in there lies much of the problem when it comes to mental  health issues. You can ask yourself the question that if you no longer trust what you can see and feel with your own senses, does that mean you are mentally ill? An unhealthy version of this would be somebody who is schizophrenic. Yet there are similarities here like being able to view the world unattached from presumptions of how things are and should be. In other words, viewing it free from previous experiences, like you would view it for the very first time. In order for INFJs to draw those incredible conclusions about the nature of things this is what is needed on a mental level. So it is not hard to understand that always operating in this type of functionality comes with certain drawbacks. Like when we get stressed or pressured we can even stop trusting ourselves and our own existence.

How do you handle your thoughts and emotions when they seem even more real then the things happening in the world around you? Here is where our inferior function comes in, and the reason we have this fetish for extroverted sensing is because without it we would lose ourselves completely. It is the counter weight to our intuition which keeps it from tipping off the scale, which is what can happen when we get stressed. The scale can also be tipped in favor of the inferior function under stress, and we start to judge ourselves and who we are from our results in the outside world. This is very much the complete opposite of who we really are as INFJs. Negative life experiences often reinforces negative self value, and this is what happens with INFJs that operate to much in their inferior function. You start to forget who you are and your own value. You forget one of the most special things that you have as an INFJ which is emotional health, morals and values which are pure and unaffected by the external world. Because we all know that you cannot change the opinion of an INFJ, and you cannot force us to believe in anything we don’t.

To wrap this all up I want to share some tips concerning emotional health. If you often struggle with anxiety, negative self thoughts and fears, it is important to remember one thing. You are not your thoughts. The brain is an organ like any other in the body. The heart pumps blood, the stomach digest food and the brain creates thoughts. It is it’s sole function and you cannot stop it from happening. What you can do on the other hand is understand this process and that just because the thoughts are there and pass by in your mind, doesn’t mean they are true.

To master your emotions you need to master your mind. The key to this is mindfulness practise. Here is a book I highly  recommend to get started with mindfulness:

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Before I knew I was an introvert and an INFJ I always considered this need for alone time as a fault in myself. I thought since most people don’t seem like this it must be something wrong with me. If you don’t have a lot of introverted friends (like I did) it might be hard to realize the real truth to it. Most introverts also don’t share to others how much time they spend alone and when, since in modern Western society people tend to presume that being an introvert makes you anti-social and a weirdo who does not like other people. However, this could not be any further away from the real truth.

Alone time gives me opportunity to rest, organize and develop my mind away from the external world that would otherwise demand all my resources and attention for interactions. Introverts are very focused and this is why it drains energy for us. We simply cannot rest and keep our mind organized at the same time as interacting with the rest of the world. You could see it as extroverts brains are a highway with many lanes going in each direction. Introverts brains on the other hand is a oneway road, we cannot go in all directions at once but wherever we want to go we get more across and no traffic jams.

The interesting part is that even when I am alone with a longterm partner or loved one like someone close to me from my family, it still doesn’t work as alone time. In order for me to feel at peace and recharge I need to be completely alone and free from external distractions and stimulation. In relationships this has proven a challenge for me in the past and I have yet to come up with a good solution. I think the best thing is finding somebody that shares or understands you as this and is not hurt by your need for independence and spending time alone occasionally.

When I finally get to be alone and focus my mind I almost get into a zen like state. It is in this state and environment that the magic happens and I’ve done some of my best work during my alone time. I think it’s about where we focus and project our energy and to boil it all down to the core, focusing all energy externally gets us depleted on the inside. Hence when we are alone we get to focus our energy inside ourselves and recharge internally. Almost like fueling a car, you cannot go to places without gas. This is our mode of functioning compared to extroverts who recharge each other instead of being able to recharge themselves like us. Either way the result in the end is the same and what is important is to plan your daily life to suit your energy needs. When you do this properly you will thrive and be ready to take on the world in your best possible mental state.

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Why does this happen?

I think it is the minds way of wanting to complement itself and in many ways it is quite a nice experience. Extroverts bring introverts out of our heads and you don’t have to take the lead in conversations, something we might struggle with naturally. As INFJs we are also expressive and interested in people, so we are often mistaken for extroverts. However as a match I think extroverts can also be though to be in a relationship with if you don’t get enough space and alone time.

Often people search in others the thing they are missing in themselves. Which is why people can be attracted to the complete opposite. We all know the cliché of the blonde good-looking nice girl who is attracted to the mean bad-boy type of a guy. It’s natures way of completing itself, the hunter gatherer sense that’s adapting to the environment to survive. We cannot only be hunters or only gatherers among mates, in order to survive.

In my past relationships people who needed to be taken care of or struggled in life tended to be attracted to me especially. I think it is because of the INFJ way, we are natural counselors and mentors who genuinely care about other people. We are good at helping people get ahead in life and people trust us and our judgments. Maybe it is also because we INFJ often struggle as well at times in our lives.

Overall I’m interested in original or unusual people, people that have a passion for something or a goal they want in life and are prepared to work for it. I feel most of the world are shallow and often the ‘good ones’ so to speak, are the odd types and people that had to work for something in their lives to get where they are. I guess it all has to do with how we value ourselves as INFJs and generally I find it hard to connect to sensing type personalities. To me they seem like being from a different planet when it comes to values, morals and actions.

Personally I think ENxx types can be good in relationships with INFJs. You complement each other and are also able to connect on the same abstract level in discussions and interests. Other introverted personalities, INxx can of course be good as well and from some I heard it can be close to magical. However, I think it is important to make sure that both your introverted natures don’t hold you back in each of your own social lives and in doing stuff out in the real world. As two introverts it’s easy to feel that having each other is enough and you don’t need other people, and then you end up isolating yourselves from the world.

Dating can be a tough thing for the INFJ type since we can have a hard time with strangers and getting out of our shell. Personally I’ve tried all my life to get comfortable in these situations and places like pubs, bars and clubs but without much luck. We are not very adapted to this type of environment and I tend to be better off at home parties or dinners when it comes to meeting new people. Hitting on the other sex is something I’ve never really done with the point of only showing interest either. Usually flirting comes natural to me in a discussing and never had to make a big effort with it or to plan it ahead. Still, picking up people in bars and clubs have never been my thing and I always want to get to know people more before I feel comfortable.

To finish all of this off, I would like to recommend a website. Online dating is something that can be a good thing to try for introverted types and I would recommend you this one if you are interested:

http://www.okcupid.com/

The good thing about okcupid is that you get to answer questions and it maps your personality. This information the website then use to match you to other people with similar values and interests. Some people also take the MBTI tests on the website so you can find people with certain personalities as well.

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I have always believed that all people start out with good intension’s, but at some point in their life the world shape them or side track them and they might end up on the wrong course. As humans we all want the same thing, we crave happiness and want to end our suffering which tend to be a major part of living. The Buddhists see life as mostly suffering and to be truly happy you have to come to terms with this. However, people get caught up in their lives and forget about what truly matters. We built up these frameworks in or societies how people should be and live their lives in order to be happy. You get an education, get a job, get a partner, get a house, get kids etc. When we have all that we are supposed to continue in the endless cycle of consumers consuming our mere existence. No wonder some people take the turn for the worst with all the pressure of what to make of your life. The question is why some people understand the underlying systems we have in our societies and why some don’t. Some form their world view from what they know around them, other questions it’s existence.

As an INFJ I always felt cursed both for better and worse when it comes to understanding the world and the people within it. In school as a kid I was very stubborn, I rejected all of the systems in place because I could see that many of them was useless and built on principles that would not help me learn anything. Of course I got into trouble because of this on many occasions, but as you know INFJs can be very persistent with what we think about things and you can’t influence us easily. We are not prone to conforming to others liking so to speak, if we don’t feel it also meets our own values.

In the social realm this became more painful the older I became since I started to realize that most people are selfish and shallow when it really counts. Many cannot see past themselves. It’s all a competition and value is not placed on the things that matters, like compassion for others. Among most life is an endless race where nobody realize that there is no finishing line. Winning won’t bring  you any closer to happiness. Of course seeing that much of how the world works early on made me unhappy as well. You see people following the same patterns knowing what their outcome will be even though you can’t help them.

What I’m trying to get at is since INFJs has such depth of empathy and understanding, we often see everything clearly when others do not. This might bring us great pain since people will hurt us without understanding it themselves. The way we see friendships and relationships other do not, people might not care about us the way we care about them. I guess when you realize this it is hard to find an angle on life that gives you a good outlook. Maybe this is simply why we are so prone to depression and sadness, we understand how life really is which is also why we understand the perfect ideal for things. We are good at connecting opposites and seeing everything that life is not might bring us much unhappiness.

On the other hand, this also gives us the talent to do many great things and to make the world a better place for  ourselves and others. We need to remember that we understand people for what they truly are. They might hurt us and others, but people are only a creation of what they know from their own lives. A tiger can’t hide it’s stripes so we can’t expect people to be what we are. What we all want in life is to feel happy, and when you approach people with the compassion knowing that all they want is basically the same as you, it is easier to remember that we all wish for the same world in the end. We just see it from different angles.

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I have played around with music, painting, drawing and other things that lets me express my Se most of my life. I have always been drawn to it and the last couple of years I have begun to understand the implications it can have for an INFJ. It’s a bit of a hate love relationship. It is very easy for me to imagine the perfect outcome of a piece of art in my mind, the ideal of what I want to create. But when put under pressure, self doubt or perfectionistic tendencies can often implicate things and distort your vision. I can start to obsess about details and feel like the results never come out like I imagined them to be, it’s never perfect. This is where the tension comes from playing around to much with our inferior and it can make you grow impatient with yourself and create stress and self doubt.

I’ve seen other articles on blogs that recommend INFJs against career choices that involves our Se. I’m a bit divided in it and I feel INFJs should go down that line of work if they want, as long as they feel that it also brings them happiness. Personally I don’t feel fulfilled without getting to indulge myself in some project using my Se, it is the only time I actually feel free and out of my busy introverted mind. It’s brings me peace inside while working with my Se and since I enjoy doing it, I’ve become talented in this area which makes it easier to pick it as a career choice. I create something in the external world and I feel that bridges the gap between my mind and the external, which I often feel  quite separated from. I like the idea that others get to enjoy what I’ve created and as an intuitive artist I bring a completely different perspective into creating art. When under pressure working in a career choice like this can bring you a lot of stress, but as they say no pain no gain. I believe we can’t function to our full potential until we learn how  to handle our inferior function, and there is no other way then by using it often. Avoiding it will just make you want to indulge in it more and it is a part of you either you like it or nor.

It is good to make sure you also have other interests that let’s your Ni relax alone in it’s natural habitat without Se. I like to read, write and speculate about deep things. The key is balance your functions and know when you are overdoing it and it is doing you more harm then good. If art interests you find your personal perspective in it, the side that lets you use all of your skills as an INFJ and also indulge in your Se as needed. I’m convinced that INFJs can excel well in this area if you learn your limits and what particular set of skills you bring to the table.

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