extroverted feeling – INFJ Ramblings

INFJ Extraverted Feeling (Fe) and Making It Work for You

Sun, 18 Jan 2015 10:28:28 +0000

One of the most prominent functions for INFJs is extraverted feeling (Fe). It is one of the things among INFJs that can be easily observed by others and can be something to look out for in order to spot an INFJ. Fe is what INFJs use primarily when dealing with other people and the outside world. To sum it all up in a simple view, it can be seen as having a keen sense of the outside world which easily affects us emotionally. It helps us to understand how the people around us are feeling and also how to express how we are feeling to them. If INFJs have strong feelings or opinions about someone we often tend to express them in one way or another since this type of expression comes natural to us because of Fe. This is why INFJs can be very loving and caring with the people we like but find it hard to get along with people we don’t like. INFJs can often end up in heated debates with other people when we feel they act careless, selfish or in any other way pose a treat to our values. Similar to ENFJs, but INFJs as introverts also more often choose to avoid arguments with others. We instead internalize a lot of feelings which can end up affecting us in a negative way in the long term. Fe is a natural process for INFJs to deal with emotions and we need to express them with our Fe in order to deal and process them. This is why therapy and expression through art can be so beneficial for INFJs.

What is important to understand as INFJs is that our happiness depend not only on learning to understand why we react, think and do what we do. But also how we can predict and change our behavior accordingly to benefit us. Life can be more difficult for INFJs then many other personalities at times, and that’s why this is even more important for us. From what I have learned it is crucial for INFJs to start understanding and taking charge of how our emotions affect us. INFJs are a very feeling oriented type of personality, we are deeply emotional and most of our problems in life will relate to this heightened emotional sensitivity.

Taking control of how your Fe affects you in everyday life is a good first step to gaining more stability in your life. The steps to succeed with this is more simple then you might think and applying them in practical situations will help you gain an understanding and start changing yourself over time. This is how I would break it down in three steps:

1. You need to start noticing Fe and how your emotions fuel you in your everyday life. You need to realize how much your feelings control your well being, and how much the external control your feelings. Notice how your negative thought loops are often created from what happens out in the environment around you. How other peoples feelings somehow affect and get ahold of yours. How the external world often creates all the thoughts and feelings you experience at the moment. Practicing meditation is also a fast way of gaining this realization because when you shut out the external often, you start to realize that without it what you are left with inside is stability, calm, clarity and peace. That without all the things happening around you a lot of the negative feelings you might experience start to fade away. Use this as proof to help you understand how really extraverted your sense of feeling is. INFJs depend much on their environment for how they feel inside. Surrounding yourself with loving and caring people is crucial for your development.

2. Your second step is to start to predict your emotions. Understanding and predicting what causes you your pains starts to separate you from it. It helps you understand that even though your feelings can sometimes take ahold of you or jump out and surprise you, it is not who you are. When somebody gets you angry, it is really that external energy that affects you and how you choose to react to it determine how you will feel towards it. Your emotions are not much different then any other sense in your body like smell, taste etc. With practice you can change how it affects you.

3. The last step is to learn to let go. When you respond with anger or sadness to what somebody did to you or something that happened, what you really did in your mind before that was to create presumptions on how something should turn out. You create an ideal of how you want something to be or how somebody should act. You have to realize that trying to control what other people do or what happens in the outside world is pointless because you simply can’t. Hence chasing negative emotions that result from them is only you causing yourself more pain because you can’t control the situations. Every time it happens to you again, your mind is as surprised as the previous time and have failed to learn that grasping ideal situations really is pointless. The mind is fascinating in that way that it still thinks it can control the situation the next time and ends up letting itself down over and over. I like to picture it that it is no different then hitting your head against a brick wall, over and over.

Realize that how you react to your emotions will form the foundations for how you feel inside. Start to let go of what you cannot change and the mind will stop holding on to these negative feelings and there will be more room for what makes you happy instead. Extraverted feeling is a great ability of INFJs and can bring you much happiness in your life as long as you stop letting it control you and cause much negative emotional feedback. Start cultivating love and stability inside yourself and this will end up being what you express with your Fe to the outside world.

Here is a book I highly recommend to cultivate emotional health and stability, a great book on meditation and mindfulness:

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INFJ HSP – Emotional Intelligence and Openness of the Mind

Sun, 13 Apr 2014 16:29:09 +0000

In this post I want to shed some food for thought on HSPs (Highly sensitive persons) and their traits. It is widely known that there is simply not just one type of intelligence, we all excel in different areas of life. A type of intelligence that is almost always attributed to HSPs in some regard is emotional intelligence. Being emotionally intelligent enables you a deeper understanding about human functioning and connectivity in the world. You have a greater understanding of how people around you function and why they do the things they do.

It can also give you a deeper understanding about the things you do yourself. HSPs are often feeler type personalities which is why EI (emotional intelligence) tends to be highly developed among us. As a feeler you are more sensitive emotionally then others and even thought you have a heightened EI understanding, you can easily have bouts where you might experience an difficulty controlling your feelings and maybe even act highly irrational at times. Extroverted feeling personalities in MBTI (INFJ/ENFJ primarily) often run into problems here since they are highly emotional but also extrovert their feelings and judgments. This combination can result in heated situations where you act according to feelings and when the situation has passed you might feel you overreacted or acted unreasonable. Fortunately these type of personalities are also concerned about the well-being of others and often seek out to correct any wrongdoings they might have done others. This is important since they value their morals and doing others wrong will in turn cause themselves great emotional pain.

Statistics tell us that most highly intelligent individuals are also HSPs. We are talking about the population here which is considered the top 2%. It seems to be a common tread that an increased sensitivity to stimuli equals greater understanding of concepts, theories and the outside world. It is said that around 15% of the population is highly sensitive to some degree. About 35-50% of the population is introverts. Introverts belongs to the majority among the gifted population, and the top 2% contains almost exclusive introverted, intuitive HSPs.

What people outside these minorities fail to grasp is that being an HSP and especially an gifted HSP also comes with a hefty price. Belonging to a minority often isolates you from the rest. Most humans find security in what is familiar and reject what is not, same functioning as many other animals on this planet. In other words being different can push you away from the norm and make relationships that much harder.

Heightened sensitivity to stimuli is a neurological trait which you are born with and not something that can be changed. Unfortunately for HSPs even thought our brains work differently the world around us still works as suitable for non HSPs. We are expected to think, act, feel and produce results just like other people even though we are not. A heightened sensitivity is not because our sensing organs like eyes, ears or nose are more developed then other people. The sensitivity comes from a lower threshold for stimuli. In other words we need less of everything when other people need more to reach the same level of excitement, feelings or understanding. HSPs don’t need many cups of coffee to get them focused. Watching TV doesn’t make us tired. High pressure and pace doesn’t make us more motivated to work etc. Just a few examples but generally you could say that in a way it is the complete opposite of ADHD.

The downside of being an HSP is being unable to shut it off. There is no off switch and this is where the problem comes in. With a lower tolerance for stimuli we overload quicker because our capacity is still the same as other people. HSPs are not superhuman even thought we might have exceptional talents because of our sensitivity. We are simply born with a openness to new experiences that others don’t have, a lack of filtering. It is this openness that is a common trait among gifted people. As an HSP and intuitive you can perceive the world in a clearer way then non HSPs who’s world view is primarily based on their previous judgements and experiences. People tend to form who they are and their image of the world through the judgements of their ego. You like this but are afraid of that etc. They react to new experiences based on previous ones and therefor never consider things for what they really are, only for what their ego tells them they think of it. That is an lack of intuition and perceptiveness.

As we all know there are many problems in the world and the majority humans cause themselves. We have a tendency to destroy the environment we live in, scavage our planet until there is nothing left, we are reckless against ourselves and others, wage war against each other over pieces of land, the list is long. What is certain is that the human condition is something entirely different from the rest of the creatures on our planet. An organism that is at war with itself is doomed from the start, and this is what most people fail to realize. There is a widespread close-mindedness in today’s societies and most can’t really perceive what is really happening in the world aside from what their ego tells them. As HSPs and intuitive’s it is important to not judge ourselves like others might do. To not see our unique traits as something to try to change or get rid of because there is nothing wrong with them. Thinking that being like everyone else would make you happier is simply grasping, and grasping won’t give anyone happiness because the grasping never stops.

I think most people would agree that having a higher perceptiveness and caring for the people, animals and environment around you would be a good thing. The planet could sure benefit from having more people with these unique traits and who’s to say that this is not the next step in human evolution? We started as primitive ape like creatures and our minds have evolved considerably since that. The next logical step would indeed be to expand our mind to comprehend the world around us more, now when we have developed the ability to perceive ourselves. That is for sure some great food for thought.

Until next time, thanks for reading!

Alex

PS: Here is some recommended reading on Emotional Intelligence and how it can matter more then IQ:

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INFJ Mental Disorders, Health & Emotional Sensitivity

Tue, 11 Feb 2014 04:27:34 +0000

As some of you might have noticed there has yet again been radio silence on this blog for the last months. I’ve been busy on an exciting project overseas so have not been able to do any posts here like I would have liked to. I will probably be busy another month or two but I have still been collecting material for you guys so as soon as I’m done I will be back flooding this blog with new posts. Meanwhile I thought I’ll do a short one adding on some observations and thoughts that’s been lingering in the back of my head during these months.

I want to talk a bit about INFJs and mental health, something that seem to be a quite popular and reacquiring subject out there. Unfortunately mental health is somewhat a struggle for many INFJs and there are many misconceptions concerning it. Misconceptions in the regard that INFJs would in some way be weaker on a mentally and emotionally level and that would be why many struggle with anxiety and depression. It is true that we are more sensitive then other personalities but that doesn’t necessary equal anything along the lines of weakness. It has been shown that INxx types in general are the ones that often struggle with emotional sensitivity. I would say that a heightened emotional sensitivity is as much a strength as it can make life harder at times. You are merely playing on a completely different playing field then less emotionally evolved people. Being more sensitive to emotions equals a greater understanding and perception of them. It is easy for other people to call you unstable or emotional when they themselves cannot perceive the situation at hand. We all view life through different lenses, but INFJs can often view life throughout multiple lenses, free from conditioning or influence. Being this type of empathic people with often divided personalities is what makes it hard in comparison with others. Yet there is nothing wrong with us or our mental health, simply the fault lies in the rest of the worlds comparison of us with themselves.

The nature of intuition is in not trusting how things appear even thought answers may be laid out in front of you. Always searching for alternative possibilities, clues or hints of the true nature of things. It is no wonder why INFJs can easily feel that they are losing their grip when as an introverted intuitive dominant, your are always changing and endlessly searching for meaning within yourself and the rest of the world. This is what intuition is meant to do, and in there lies much of the problem when it comes to mental health issues. You can ask yourself the question that if you no longer trust what you can see and feel with your own senses, does that mean you are mentally ill? An unhealthy version of this would be somebody who is schizophrenic. Yet there are similarities here like being able to view the world unattached from presumptions of how things are and should be. In other words, viewing it free from previous experiences, like you would view it for the very first time. In order for INFJs to draw those incredible conclusions about the nature of things this is what is needed on a mental level. So it is not hard to understand that always operating in this type of functionality comes with certain drawbacks. Like when we get stressed or pressured we can even stop trusting ourselves and our own existence.

How do you handle your thoughts and emotions when they seem even more real then the things happening in the world around you? Here is where our inferior function comes in, and the reason we have this fetish for extroverted sensing is because without it we would lose ourselves completely. It is the counter weight to our intuition which keeps it from tipping off the scale, which is what can happen when we get stressed. The scale can also be tipped in favor of the inferior function under stress, and we start to judge ourselves and who we are from our results in the outside world. This is very much the complete opposite of who we really are as INFJs. Negative life experiences often reinforces negative self value, and this is what happens with INFJs that operate to much in their inferior function. You start to forget who you are and your own value. You forget one of the most special things that you have as an INFJ which is emotional health, morals and values which are pure and unaffected by the external world. Because we all know that you cannot change the opinion of an INFJ, and you cannot force us to believe in anything we don’t.

To wrap this all up I want to share some tips concerning emotional health. If you often struggle with anxiety, negative self thoughts and fears, it is important to remember one thing. You are not your thoughts. The brain is an organ like any other in the body. The heart pumps blood, the stomach digest food and the brain creates thoughts. It is it’s sole function and you cannot stop it from happening. What you can do on the other hand is understand this process and that just because the thoughts are there and pass by in your mind, doesn’t mean they are true.

To master your emotions you need to master your mind. The key to this is mindfulness practise. Here is a book I highly recommend to get started with mindfulness:

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INFJ Social Skills: Surviving in Your Social Life

Sun, 04 Aug 2013 14:29:00 +0000

One of the core talents of INFJs is our interpersonal skills. We are good at getting people to like us and at keeping harmony in the social environment around us. I never realized these things about myself until discovering my personality type and reading about it. I simply thought that most people function like I do. A perfect example of my INFJness in practice is when sitting around a table talking to people. In this situation I want to have eye contact and at some point address everybody around the table personally, in order to make them feel important and included. If somebody is silent to long and I sense that they might feel excluded, I always find a way to address them to push them back in to the conversation. This even happens unconsciously for me and I just do it without thinking. Another thing is that sometimes I let people be wrong in order for them to feel good about themselves. Like when somebody wants to tell you a story which it turns out you have already heard. I don’t want to tell them that, since people get excited entertaining each other. They might tell it to you wrong or inaccurate and instead of pointing it out to them I let it go since there is no reason to argue or give remarks on such minor things.

One of the reasons we focus on keeping harmony in the social realm around us has to do with the nature of our auxiliary function Fe (Extroverted feeling). The nature of Fe is to express our emotions outward, applying what’s inside us to the outside world. This is the reason why INFJs occasionally can get very irritated, angry and complaining when we don’t feel harmony on the inside. Or the opposite when people around us are very happy, which in turn feeds our Fe and makes us even happier. I read an article awhile ago and in it they mentioned this as the ‘oil on fire’ effect. Whatever feelings burns inside us gets intensified from equal feelings from the outside world, i.e. pouring oil on the fire ignites it more. Of course this is both a good and a bad thing for an INFJ as it can be a source of anxiety and overloading us with feelings.

A problem with being and INFJ sometimes is that I can doubt that other people like me or enjoy my company. This in turn make me try even harder and give more to people around me. Often however we can end up being taken advantage of when we put ourselves in such situations. It all has to do with self confidence and being highly idealistic often comes with having a not very balanced self esteem. It is not that we don’t value ourselves, it is that we often value others higher because we care about them. The reality in it all is that even though we feel so different and are different, people often tend to like us even though we think that they don’t. Sometimes after interacting with a lot of people, I can realize that I did better then I felt I did at the time. I can remember so many times people and even complete strangers, opened up to me and talked about things most would not without knowing each other better. How mentally unstable, mentally ill and people that are hurting tend to be drawn to me in some magical way. Among a group they often feel most comfortable talking to me because I never judge them like other people do.

It is because people are insecure about themselves and even though they might not understand it consciously, unconsciously they feel that you can see past their imperfections and understand them and who they really are on the inside. Sometimes this might have the opposite effect with shallow people, maybe they sense that we see past their persona and know that there actually is nothing else there besides fear and insecurities

The core of it all is that we want to bring social harmony to our outside world and the people in it because it also fuels us and makes us feel better about ourselves in the end. However, when other people feel bad, we feel bad. I would go so far as to say that we have one of the purest forms of empathy. We can feel exactly what other people feel and therefore we can relate and understand people, even at times better than they can understand themselves. INFJs are deep, caring and kind people at heart. We see and feel so much of the world and it affects us in such a way that it’s highly unlikely for us to ever want to hurt other people. We want to help them because helping them is in turn also helping ourselves.

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INFJ Celebrities: Frank Ocean, INFJ Musician

Sun, 09 Jun 2013 22:39:00 +0000

I wanted to share one of my favorite INFJ musicians with you guys, Frank Ocean. If you have not heard his music you should check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/artist/frank-ocean

He does a mix of RnB/Hiphop/Soul and is very creative in his songwriting and lyrics. I usually don’t listen to RnB or anything like it but there is something with Frank Ocean’s music that sounds amazing to me on every level. He puts a lot of thought into the lyrics and the message in his songs. When I found out he is an INFJ I got even more interested in him as a person, he has a great personality. You should check out some of the interviews with him on Youtube and you will see the INFJ traits. He was as selected as Rookie of the year in “GQ Men of the Year 2012“, great win for INFJs.

This BBC interview below is a great example. Notice the pausing in-between words (introversion), deep N oriented explanations, using whole face for expressions and smiling (extroverted feeling). This is just a few giveaways.

Frank Ocean interview – BBC Sound of 2012

Frank Ocean Interview – GQ Men of the Year 2012: Music: GQ

Get his records here:
Frank Ocean – channel ORANGE
Frank Ocean – nostalgia, ULTRA. (MIXTAPE)

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INFJ Feelings in Tattoos and Idealism

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 14:51:00 +0000

I read an interesting article the other day about extroverted feeling and it sparked some thoughts in my mind concerning the different cognitive processes. Apparently extroverted feeling is more common among men then women, and introverted feeling more common among women. This lines up well with some of the stereotyping we have in todays society. I’m a fan of tattoos and acquired quite a few myself along the years. After researching a bit, it seems like tattoos is most common with extroverted feelers as a means of expression and an extension of themselves into the outside world. Now days it’s becoming more and more common and accepted to have tattoos and show them in public and at work, especially for men. When it comes to women we still have some kind of strange judgments that women should not have or show tattoos in public like men do. One might wonder if you could connect this to women having a higher amount of introverted feelers that are more likely to see tattoos in a different light then extroverted feelers. Food for thought at least.

Tattoos is yet another thing in my life that lines up perfectly with my personality and cognitive processes of being an INFJ. I’ve also discovered more patterns in me that feels true to being an INFJ and an idealistic personality. When it comes to love, attraction and friendships, I’ve realized that my taste in people often turns out to be people that stand out in the crowd, just as I see myself. With that I mean not in an physical attraction sense but that they have something that makes them special, both in positive or even negative ways. I feel I gravitate towards people that are unique and have some depth in their character. Maybe it is because I am this myself, a complex person, and superficial people bore and don’t interest me. When I think of my friends and people I at some point felt was true friends, I can see that there was always something that separated them from the rest. Some talent, trait or unusual behavior that made me feel like I wanted to get to know them more.

As an INFJ I am among few people that can see past peoples flaws and see them for who they really are and their potential. I noticed that people that have issues socially gravitate towards me because they do not have to pretend who they are when they are with me. They will be seen and accepted for who they really are and when you think about it, isn’t that what we all INFJs wants to be accepted for in the end as well. We are extroverted feelers projecting ourselves and our feelings out into the world. Considering the values we hold on the inside maybe this is one of the greatest strengths with INFJ types.

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