Why does this happen?

I think it is the minds way of wanting to complement itself and in many ways it is quite a nice experience. Extroverts bring introverts out of our heads and you don’t have to take the lead in conversations, something we might struggle with naturally. As INFJs we are also expressive and interested in people, so we are often mistaken for extroverts. However as a match I think extroverts can also be though to be in a relationship with if you don’t get enough space and alone time.

Often people search in others the thing they are missing in themselves. Which is why people can be attracted to the complete opposite. We all know the cliché of the blonde good-looking nice girl who is attracted to the mean bad-boy type of a guy. It’s natures way of completing itself, the hunter gatherer sense that’s adapting to the environment to survive. We cannot only be hunters or only gatherers among mates, in order to survive.

In my past relationships people who needed to be taken care of or struggled in life tended to be attracted to me especially. I think it is because of the INFJ way, we are natural counselors and mentors who genuinely care about other people. We are good at helping people get ahead in life and people trust us and our judgments. Maybe it is also because we INFJ often struggle as well at times in our lives.

Overall I’m interested in original or unusual people, people that have a passion for something or a goal they want in life and are prepared to work for it. I feel most of the world are shallow and often the ‘good ones’ so to speak, are the odd types and people that had to work for something in their lives to get where they are. I guess it all has to do with how we value ourselves as INFJs and generally I find it hard to connect to sensing type personalities. To me they seem like being from a different planet when it comes to values, morals and actions.

Personally I think ENxx types can be good in relationships with INFJs. You complement each other and are also able to connect on the same abstract level in discussions and interests. Other introverted personalities, INxx can of course be good as well and from some I heard it can be close to magical. However, I think it is important to make sure that both your introverted natures don’t hold you back in each of your own social lives and in doing stuff out in the real world. As two introverts it’s easy to feel that having each other is enough and you don’t need other people, and then you end up isolating yourselves from the world.

Dating can be a tough thing for the INFJ type since we can have a hard time with strangers and getting out of our shell. Personally I’ve tried all my life to get comfortable in these situations and places like pubs, bars and clubs but without much luck. We are not very adapted to this type of environment and I tend to be better off at home parties or dinners when it comes to meeting new people. Hitting on the other sex is something I’ve never really done with the point of only showing interest either. Usually flirting comes natural to me in a discussing and never had to make a big effort with it or to plan it ahead. Still, picking up people in bars and clubs have never been my thing and I always want to get to know people more before I feel comfortable.

To finish all of this off, I would like to recommend a website. Online dating is something that can be a good thing to try for introverted types and I would recommend you this one if you are interested:

http://www.okcupid.com/

The good thing about okcupid is that you get to answer questions and it maps your personality. This information the website then use to match you to other people with similar values and interests. Some people also take the MBTI tests on the website so you can find people with certain personalities as well.

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to how rare INFJ types are in MBTI. In this post I want to discuss the INFJ enneagram and how Type 5 Enneagram relates to INFJs.

After reading about it for  some time I have come to the conclusion that MBTI is brain functioning and Enneagram is about morals and values in life. In combination they can describe a person good and compliment each other well.

There also seems to be a correlation between MBTI types and Enneagram types to a certain degree. Here is some interesting reading concerning this subject:

Enneagram Type Test On-Line Stats:
http://www.9types.com/rheti/stats.html

Table of Enneagram Marriage Frequencies:
http://www.9types.com/writeup/enneagram_marriages.html

Enneagram Type and MBTI Type Compared (Statistics):
http://personalitycafe.com/enneagram-personality-theory-forum/85323-enneagram-type-mbti-type-compared-statistics.html

This is a great book explaining everything you need to know about Enneagram, highly recommended:
The Wisdom of the Enneagram: The Complete Guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Nine Personality Types

I’ve also done a bunch of Enneagram tests myself and recently bought the Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator test which is a scientifically validated test for testing your Enneagram type. You can find it here: http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

My results concerning my own Enneagram type is that I’m a 5w4. Here is some information about the 5w4 type that I’ve copied:

5w4 – The Five with a Four-Wing: “The Iconoclast”

 

The traits of the Five and those of the Four reinforce each other in many ways. Both Five and Four are withdrawn types: they turn to the inner world of their imagination to defend their egos and to reinforce their sense of self.

They both feel that something essential in themselves must be found before they can live their lives completely. Fives lack the confidence to act, and Fours lack a strong, stable sense of identity. Thus, Fives with a Four-wing have difficulty connecting with others and staying grounded.

People of this subtype are more emotional and introverted than Fives with a Six-wing, althrough paradoxically, they tend to be more sociable than the other subtype. As a result of their Four component, they are also more interested in the personal and intrapsychic.

The two types also have some significant differences in their approach. Fives are cerebral, holding experience at arm’s length, while Fours internalize everything to intensify their feelings.

Despite these differences–or because of them–these two personality types make one of the richest subtypes, combining possibilities for outstanding artistic as well as intellectual achievement.

Notewothy examples of  5w4 Enneagram subtype include:
Albert Einstein, Werner Heisenburg, Friedrich Nietzsche, Georgia O’Keeffe, John Cage, John Lennon, k. d. lang, Laurie Anderson, James Joyce, Emily Dickinson, Stanley Kubrick, David Lynch, Buster Keaton, Gary Larson, Stephen King, Tim Burton, Clive Barker, Franz Kafka, Umberto Eco, Jean-Paul Sartre, Oriana Fallaci, Glenn Gould, Peter Serkin, Hannah Arendt, Kurt Cobain, and Vincent van Gogh.

In healthy people of Enneagram 5w4 subtype:

We find the union of intuition and knowledge, sensitivity and insight, aesthetic appreciation and intellectual endowments.

Fives with a Four-wing are likely to be involved in the arts as writers, directors, designers, musicians, composers, choreographers, and so forth. The subtype has been somewhat overlooked in many descriptions of Fives because they do not fit the stereotype of the academic/scientific Five (the Five with a Six-wing).

This subtype is more synthetic in its thinking, pulling things together and seeking out new ways of looking at things, Also, Fives with a Four-wing tend to utilize their imaginations more than the analytic, systematic parts of the mind which are more the domain of the other subtype.

If they are involved in science, Fives with a Four-wing are drawn to those areas in which there is less emphasis on experimentation and data collection than on intuition and comprehensive vision.

This subtype is particularly aware of–and on the lookout for–the beauty in a mathematical formula, for example. For this subtype, beauty is one of the indications of truth, because the order which beauty represents is a confirmation of the objective rightness of an idea.

One of the foremost strengths of healthy Fives with a Four-wing lies precisely in their intuition, since intuition helps them uncover areas of knowledge where their conscious thoughts have not yet ventured. The

Four-wing adds a desire to find a unique, personal vision to the curiosity and perceptiveness of the Five, and the result is a propensity to “tinker” with familiar forms until they become something almost unrecognizable.

In talented Fives with a Four-wing this can lead to startling innovations in their chosen fields of endeavor.

In Average Fives with a Four-wing, Enneagram 5w4:

The Four-wing adds emotional depth, but causes difficulties in sustaining efforts and in working with others. Fives with a Four-wing are more independent than Fives with a Six-wing and resist having structures and deadlines imposed on them.

There can be an off-putting detachment from the environment, both because they are involved in their thoughts and because they are introverted and emotionally self-absorbed.

Analytic powers may be used to keep people at arm’s length rather than to understand them more deeply. Emotionally delicate, people of this subtype can be moody and hypersensitive to criticism, particularly regarding the value of their work or ideas, since this impinges directly upon self-esteem.

Both component types tend to withdraw from people and be reclusive. They can be highly creative and imaginative, envisioning alternate realities in great detail, but can get lost in their own cerebral landscapes.

The Four-wing gives a propensity to fantasizing, but with the Five with the Four-wing, the subject matter tends toward the surreal and fantastic rather than the romantic. Individuals of this subtype can become highly impractical, spending most of their time reading, playing intellectual games, or specializing in trivia.

There is often an attraction to dark, forbidden subject matter or to any way of self-expression which would disturb or upset others. Some Fives with a Four-wing become fascinated with the macabre and the horrific.

As they become more impractical and fearful about their possibilities in life, one typical solution is to find emotional solace in various forms of self-indulgence–in alcohol, drugs, or sexual escapades.

Unhealthy persons of 5w4 Enneagram subtype:

May fall prey to debilitating depressions yet be disturbed by aggressive impulses. Envy of others mixes with contempt for them; the desire to isolate the self from the world mixes with regret that it must be so.

Intellectual conflicts make their emotional lives seem hopeless, while their emotional conflicts make intellectual work difficult to sustain. Moreover, if this subtype becomes neurotic, it is one of the most alienated of all of the personality types: profoundly hopeless, nihilistic, self-inhibiting, isolated from others, and full of self-hatred.

Unhealthy Fives with a Four-wing retreat into a very bleak, minimal existence, attempting to cut off from all needs. The self-rejection and dispair of the Four combines with the cynical nihilism of the Five to create a worldview that is relentlessly negative and terrifying. Social isolation, addiction, and chronic depression are common. Suicide is a real possibility.

I can relate to a lot of this and have definitely experienced the unhealthy aspect of it. I’m very introverted and intuitive, the intuitive aspect of my personality brings me my HSP sensitivities and introversion amplifies them.

I tend to have to withdraw often to recharge and struggle to keep control of my feelings. I’m detached from reality and experience feelings of disembodied from reality on a daily basis, I think this is what feeds my need to use my Se function since it grounds me in reality.

I’m predominately a feeler in my values and morals but I’m stuck in my mind thinking all the time. Interested in science, psychology, technology, paranormal subjects and tend to lean towards the mystical instead of rational.

I like to investigate and understand the world around me and as a child I used to break things apart and put them back together again to understand how they worked. Always had a big imagination and love the arts. I studied programming growing up and was good at it but ended up working
with digital arts and media because I enjoy that even more.
Probably because it also feeds my inferior function Se as an INFJ, for both good and worse. When I’m stressed I can be very self indulgent and neurotic, isolating myself from the world both in my mind and externally.

Here are some results from cognitive tests I’ve done recently, I feel that I di
ffer somewhat from other INFJs and in some aspects are similar to INFPs. But as you can se my Si inferior is very poorly developed as INFJs/INTJs. If anybody else can relate to any of this please feel free to comment!

http://www.keys2cognition.com/explore.htm

Cognitive Process	Level of Development (Preference, Skill and Frequency of Use)
extraverted Sensing (Se)	*******************  (19.3) limited use
introverted Sensing (Si)	**********  (10.2) unused
extraverted Intuiting (Ne)	**************************************  (38.5) excellent use
introverted Intuiting (Ni)	***************************************  (39.6) excellent use
extraverted Thinking (Te)	*********************************  (33.5) good use
introverted Thinking (Ti)	*****************************  (29.6) average use
extraverted Feeling (Fe)	*************************************  (37.3) excellent use
introverted Feeling (Fi)	********************************  (32.2) good use

http://cognitivequiz.com/quiz.html

Your Cognitive Functions:

Introverted Intuition (Ni) |||||||||||||||||||||||| 11.29

Extroverted Intuition (Ne) ||||||||||||||||||||||| 10.58

Extroverted Feeling (Fe) |||||||||||||||||| 8.07

Introverted Feeling (Fi) ||||||||||||| 5.85

Extroverted Thinking (Te) ||||||| 2.93

Introverted Thinking (Ti) ||| 0.69

Extroverted Sensation (Se) || -2.2

Introverted Sensation (Si) |||| -3.23

Your Extroverted Intuition (Ne) is very developed.

Your Introverted Intuition (Ni) is very developed.

Your Introverted Thinking (Ti) is moderate.

Your Extroverted Thinking (Te) is moderate.

Your Extroverted Feeling (Fe) is moderate.

Your Introverted Feeling (Fi) is moderate.

Your Extroverted Sensation (Se) is low.

Your Introverted Sensation (Si) is low.

Humanmetrics Jung Typology Test™

Your Type INFJ

Introvert(78%)  iNtuitive(100%)  Feeling(88%)  Judging(33%)

• You have strong preference of Introversion over Extraversion (78%)
• You have strong preference of Intuition over Sensing (100%)
• You have strong preference of Feeling over Thinking (88%)
• You have moderate preference of Judging over Perceiving (33%)

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