As with everything when it comes to INFJs, when it rains it really pours. This whole week set me up in a negative emotional spiral where I ended up internalizing everything to the brink of feeling physically ill. I’ve been there so many times before but still I never realize it in the moment. Afterwards when I finally gain some footing and perspective I can look at it with fresh eyes and feel stupid. Stupid that I let these things get to me on such a deep level. Hell maybe I am bipolar, maybe being INFJ equals bipolar to some degree, or bipolar equals INFJ who knows. Before considering writing this, being the INFJ that I am, I of course googled and read everything there is on bipolar and MBTI. Ironic enough being bipolar is more common among INFx’s, and so is depression. No wonder my friend letting me down spun me completely out of proportions and I ended up feeling that I’m either way of the chart with my expectations on relationships or I will be alone for the rest of my life. These are the times I completely despise being an INFJ, dragging myself down an bottomless pit, being my own worst enemy. Caught in the thought loops in my mind endlessly contemplating that when life doesn’t work out, it must either be something wrong with the world or something seriously wrong with myself. With the latter often winning the battle.

I can’t seem to get a grip on these things in the moment, when emotions are running high. At some point I always swing back into reality and see it for what it really is. I know I have unrealistic expectations on people sometimes  because I expect them to think like me. What I forget is that I’m an INFJ, and most of the world are not. They do not think like me or see what I do. Even though the world would probably be better off if it did. Thanks for reading, end of rant… :)

Humans are often selfish by nature and this is the way nature intended us to be in order to survive. Problem is that today we live in different kinds of societies that could sure benefit more from people being less selfish. Buddhists have a great view on this and I’ve read interviews with the Dalai Lama where he talks about keeping compassion and forgiveness close to your heart when dealing with people that let you down. Because we have to remember that every human being just wants to be happy, this is the core wish in our lives and what controls all our actions. Even if our actions are sometimes not kind to others. Just because people do not live up to your expectations doesn’t necessarily make their intentions any less so.

When I was a kid my father would give me things to compensate for the emotional pain he caused me. He was aware of it but still did it and this was his way of repairing the damage on his own conscious. Of course you can’t really buy an INFJ and it did me nothing, even from a very young age I was aware of the hidden motives of this act. But this is common behavior among people. Like the cliché we see in movies where the guy is cheating on his wife and comes home with expensive jewelry to her in order to make the action fair in his own mind.

The difference is I offer things and myself to others to show them that I appreciate who they are and what they are doing, I ask nothing in return. I genuinely feel that I want to contribute to their happiness because it in turn makes me happy. I feel the most fulfilled when I get to help somebody find their way and this comes natural to me. It’s like when I’m buying a gift to somebody I can spend hours researching and tailoring my gift to suit their interests and needs, because I know this will make them feel special which they are.

Me being this way also brings me pain in my life since I can often see straight through peoples actions and motives. I can see if they are true and if they are I will give them a piece of myself, if not they probably won’t be hearing from me. The truth is of course that most people on this planet is not like us INFJs, which is a reality we have to face sooner or later. However, just because people are not like you, do not value the same things or can not express their love and friendship on the same level, doesn’t mean it’s any less true then your own. With people everything is relative and we are all very individual to the way we express or perceive our love for other people. There is no harm in giving just for the sake of giving. Because if you always expect things in return what you are really doing is just trading your love or friendship. True compassion should be a love not based on your own individual needs.