What is important to understand as INFJs is that our happiness depend not only on learning to understand why we react, think and do what we do. But also how we can predict and change our behavior accordingly to benefit us. Life can be more difficult for INFJs then many other personalities at times, and that’s why this is even more important for us. From what I have learned it is crucial for INFJs to start understanding and taking charge of how our emotions affect us. INFJs are a very feeling oriented type of personality, we are deeply emotional and most of our problems in life will relate to this heightened emotional sensitivity.

Taking control of how your Fe affects you in everyday life is a good first step to gaining more stability in your life. The steps to succeed with this is more simple then you might think and applying them in practical situations will help you gain an understanding and start changing yourself over time. This is how I would break it down in three steps:

1. You need to start noticing Fe and how your emotions fuel you in your everyday life. You need to realize how much your feelings control your well being, and how much the external control your feelings. Notice how your negative thought loops are often created from what happens out in the environment around you. How other peoples feelings somehow affect and get ahold of yours. How the external world often creates all the thoughts and feelings you experience at the moment. Practicing meditation is also a fast way of gaining this realization because when you shut out the external often, you start to realize that without it what you are left with inside is stability, calm, clarity and peace. That without all the things happening around you a lot of the negative feelings you might experience start to fade away. Use this as proof to help you understand how really extraverted your sense of feeling is. INFJs depend much on their environment for how they feel inside. Surrounding yourself with loving and caring people is crucial for your development.

2. Your second step is to start to predict your emotions. Understanding and predicting what causes you your pains starts to separate you from it. It helps you understand that even though your feelings can sometimes take ahold of you or jump out and surprise you, it is not who you are. When somebody gets you angry, it is really that external energy that affects you and how you choose to react to it determine how you will feel towards it. Your emotions are not much different then any other sense in your body like smell, taste etc. With practice you can change how it affects you.

3. The last step is to learn to let go. When you respond with anger or sadness to what somebody did to you or something that happened, what you really did in your mind before that was to create presumptions on how something should turn out. You create an ideal of how you want something to be or how somebody should act. You have to realize that trying to control what other people do or what happens in the outside world is pointless because you simply can’t. Hence chasing negative emotions that result from them is only you causing yourself more pain because you can’t control the situations. Every time it happens to you again, your mind is as surprised as the previous time and have failed to learn that grasping ideal situations really is pointless. The mind is fascinating in that way that it still thinks it can control the situation the next time and ends up letting itself down over and over. I like to picture it that it is no different then hitting your head against a brick wall, over and over.

Realize that how you react to your emotions will form the foundations for how you feel inside. Start to let go of what you cannot change and the mind will stop holding on to these negative feelings and there will be more room for what makes you happy instead. Extraverted feeling is a great ability of INFJs and can bring you much happiness in your life as long as you stop letting it control you and cause much negative emotional feedback. Start cultivating love and stability inside yourself and this will end up being what you express with your Fe to the outside world.