All the best,
Nicolette

I know if you are from the US the situation when it comes to financial and health are harder then it might be in Europe where I am from. But you should sit down and ask yourself the primary reason that you do your job. I would even sit down and think over your life according to the “80/20” rule (google if you don’t know what it is). You need to figure out what makes you happy in your life and what things don’t and start focusing on building a life where you feel happy and content. Because if you don’t have your health and wellbeing, things like where you work, live or money won’t matter.

You also need to remember that for example stress is not something that other people cause us, it is something we cause ourselves just as so many other feelings. Stress stems from fear and a need to control according to the fear. If you think about it all fear is made up of thoughts about things that have already happened or might happen, never what is currently happening. It is a creation of our own mind and because of that we can learn to control it and let it go. Feeling stressed because what other people do or don’t will only cause ourselves pain, because in the end we cannot control anything in the external world, especially what other people do or don’t. The only thing in the world we can control is ourselves and thinking that we can control anything else is a meaningless illusion of the ego. In the end we are the creators of our own mental wellbeing and realizing this and most importantly remembering it will help you shift your life perspective. Because in the end if somebody close to you died or you became terminally ill just now, you could care less about your stressful job and everything else that your mind is grasping for when it comes to it. Remember that everything you need is already in there to begin with, you just need to let go of your ideals of what you want it to be and start focusing on changing your life for how you want to live it. Maybe it means relocating, stop working so hard, changing job etc. But do those things really mean so much compared to your wellbeing?

I found my way to this site because I am completely stressed out at work (I am a fundraiser at a non-profit). This page resonates. I am completely overwhelmed with far to much on my plate, including numerous large and complex projects, while at the same time being responsible for myriad details. I am not being paid a competitive salary and am having trouble paying my bills at home. Working 50 to 60 hours a week at a draining full time job has left me with no time or energy to take on additional freelance work. I am starting to feel used, unappreciated, and deeply resentful. And like a true INFJ, I feel like I am allowing myself to be taken advantage of because I won’t leave “the relationship”.

The office is poorly managed, partly because everyone is overworked and overwhelmed, we are always putting out fires and just getting by. There is a narcissist at the office, and several people who regularly overstep their authority. I feel like I am constantly pulling off heroic feats, and yet my boss will only point out a small typo my staffer made. There is a lot of conflict that the director will not address. I live in a remote area and own a home, so finding a new position would be difficult and would involve relocating (and I doubt I have the funds to move right now).

I’m starting to feel like I am having a “nervous breakdown” of sorts. I NEVER say I can’t handle something, but I have repeatedly, and directly, told my boss and others that I am stressed, overworked, underpaid, and on the verge of losing it. And no one hears me. I am feeling increasingly isolated and discouraged. Anyway, I have no easy answers for my situation, but appreciate that I found here that I am not entirely alone in my experience!

Cool, I will for sure be checking his books out. For me I find that the only time I have issues with people like that is when they are unwilling to want to help themselves. I can’t stand people that are just out there to get other people to do the work for them. But as long there is an mutual goal for improvement or to solve something, I’m happy to help them no matter how long it will take. Unfortunately there is a lot of people out there that are just in it for themselves and don’t care whatever you do to help them. I think at the end of the day you can only help people out to a certain degree and if they want to progress beyond that point they have to put in some work as well.

I always feel alone like that. I find it quite difficult to work for other companies since I quickly dissect their structure and see where their faults lie. Problem is I can’t change things so I often feel stuck in these positions watching everything around me fall apart. Often because of poor strategies or management. I can’t stand people getting mistreated either and that really gets me fired up. Unfortunately it’s always about the money and my values are completely different. I tend to prefer working alone now when I can or keep a distance emotionally, not to get to involved. I work as a freelancer doing creative work for films and I pick my own projects. So if I don’t enjoy it I’ll leave and won’t work there again. But even working like that I still suffer a lot of frustration over that nobody can see things as clear as I do.

Keeping myself centered is like a full time job haha. Alone time is essential, I need at least a day in the weekend to recharge and unwind the mind. I also find mediation beneficial but only been doing that for about 7 months now. I live pretty healthy concerning clean diet and exercise and it really does a big difference so you can tolerate more. As long as I can keep myself grounded, dealing with other peoples problems is alright. Strangely enough when somebody really needs me, I seem to be able to pull myself togheter like a champ to deal with it but afterwards feel completely drained. But this has more to do with putting other peoples needs before your own, typical INFJ trait.

I think key is to find an outlet where you get to express yourself and your ideas fully, so when it comes to helping other people it is more for their sake, whatever the result might be in the end. It always hard to let go of ideals you create but concerning other people it is simply not possible for only smooth sailing :)

I have been reading a book about INFJ’s by Dan Johnston. In it he lists “INFJ kryptonite”. One of my big kryptonite items is that I get very annoyed when I have to deal with unintelligent people.

As an INFJ I have taken on a job that has social/world impact and can do lots of good for lots of people. I am in I.T. because that’s where my IQ strengths are. However, this means that I have to spend my day telling people which button to click and this becomes endlessly annoying. It also tends to make me feel very alone, because it makes me realize how very few people understand what I know. Additionally, when people have computer issues they tend to become very emotionally agitated. And of course us INFJ’s feel their emotions and it keys us up.

So my question to you is, do you struggle when you deal with ungifted people? If so, what tools do you use to help to keep yourself centered and on track? What tools do you use when you are dealing with an agitated person?

Any help here would be appreciated.