INFJs is one of the introverted types that needs the most alone time to recharge their energy. It mainly has to do with our inferior extroverted sensing function that quickly expels our energy and also not having an introverted sensing function in our stack to control and keep track of how we waste our energy. We don’t realize we are starting to run low until we are almost out of energy.
Before I knew I was an introvert and an INFJ I always considered this need for alone time as a fault in myself. I thought since most people don’t seem like this it must be something wrong with me. If you don’t have a lot of introverted friends (like I did) it might be hard to realize the real truth to it. Most introverts also don’t share to others how much time they spend alone and when, since in modern Western society people tend to presume that being an introvert makes you anti-social and a weirdo who does not like other people. However, this could not be any further away from the real truth.
Alone time gives me opportunity to rest, organize and develop my mind away from the external world that would otherwise demand all my resources and attention for interactions. Introverts are very focused and this is why it drains energy for us. We simply cannot rest and keep our mind organized at the same time as interacting with the rest of the world. You could see it as extroverts brains are a highway with many lanes going in each direction. Introverts brains on the other hand is a oneway road, we cannot go in all directions at once but wherever we want to go we get more across and no traffic jams.
The interesting part is that even when I am alone with a longterm partner or loved one like someone close to me from my family, it still doesn’t work as alone time. In order for me to feel at peace and recharge I need to be completely alone and free from external distractions and stimulation. In relationships this has proven a challenge for me in the past and I have yet to come up with a good solution. I think the best thing is finding somebody that shares or understands you as this and is not hurt by your need for independence and spending time alone occasionally.
When I finally get to be alone and focus my mind I almost get into a zen like state. It is in this state and environment that the magic happens and I’ve done some of my best work during my alone time. I think it’s about where we focus and project our energy and to boil it all down to the core, focusing all energy externally gets us depleted on the inside. Hence when we are alone we get to focus our energy inside ourselves and recharge internally. Almost like fueling a car, you cannot go to places without gas. This is our mode of functioning compared to extroverts who recharge each other instead of being able to recharge themselves like us. Either way the result in the end is the same and what is important is to plan your daily life to suit your energy needs. When you do this properly you will thrive and be ready to take on the world in your best possible mental state.
Everything you’ve written, in this and others of yours is myself completely. I absolutely get drained beyond a healthy point and desperately need lots of alone time. Except I get overwhelmed when I’m alone and have a hard time going to a Zen state. I obsess about my interactions with others, if I said or did something hurtful because they don’t respond the way I think they should. The future and how I should be doing more for a better life for myself and my loved ones, etc. etc. I’ll admit I have more unhealthy habits than not to cope. Weed and binge eating. Sends me into an anxiety depressed state. I’m hoping knowing now I’m an INFJ will ease things and maybe become more accepting of who I am instead of being so loathing and judgmental of myself. I truly feel this blog may help. Thank-you.